My Social Life

Want to know what a glamorous Saturday night looks like? I'll tell you.

What you'll need: kitchen equipment to include steamer, pan, blender, food mill, ice cube trays (silicone, of course) and large wine glass; lots of organic fruits and vegetables (a selection could include parsnips, purple asparagus, broccoli, plums, apples, pears and bananas); one second hand kaftan/muumuu purchased at local flea market for $5; and (critically) a bottle of wine (spend about $15 on this; you'll be needing it).

Wait until husband leaves to go upstate to collect car (yes, it broke down again. But it was their fault so they fixed it for free). Put baby to bed. Call brother on stag do (bachelor party) in NYC's most glamorous nightspot just to hammer home the bathetic contrast between your night and his. Put Coldplay or other girly band on the iPod. Pour self large glass of Sauvignon Blanc, then commence frenziedly steaming, blending, pureeing, scooping and freezing first type of organic fruit/veg; wash up; repeat; repeat; repeat...

If you've followed the instructions to the letter, by the end you'll be mildly drunk but will also have accumulated a fairly impressive collection of food cubes to be fed to your darling child by someone else while you're at work.

You see? We know how to party round here. Lindsay Lohan eat your heart out.


Mum, I don't know why you've bothered. I'd much rather just eat balloon ribbons.

Or yoghurt.