Drifting

Oh my god, I am so tired. The hubby's bloody got me drunk again. Well, probably for the best and hey, only one day to go before the weekend - hurrah.

It was weird today. I was back in the same places, doing the same things (though not buying fancy coffee or soup in disposable cups), literally walking the same hallways I've been walking for the past six and a half years, all of it so familiar that I switched into autopilot to the degree that I nearly got on the ACE to the West Village instead of the Q to Brooklyn after work.

And yet it was different because there's Dot. I had that dreamlike feeling again, and spent the first two hours in my (new, bright white, almost furniture-less) office staring at the wall trying to remember what the hell it was I was supposed to be doing. This was by far the longest period of time I've had to myself in six months and in a way I was almost giddy with the freedom (anyone who tells you it's harder going to work than being home with a baby is wrong. Though I'll probably rescind that once work really kicks in).

But you know what? It was also a bit...boring. Maybe it's the blank walls, or the job, or the fact that lots of old faces have left, or simply the change, but as I walked through the door, I could feel parts of my brain that had been firing all maternity leave shut down, ones that I really need to make the green thing happen. A bit like I'd been given a frontal lobotomy on re-entry.

So very little headway made on matters green today - or indeed on any matters at all.

But give me a chance to get over the culture shock and I'll be all over it. If I can just do something about the lobotomy...